It is hard to believe that nine years have passed since Michael and I were married. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday and at other times it seems he has always been a part of my life. The day we were married was such a special day. I thought you might like to see our favorite photo from our wedding.
In the years between then and now our family has grown. Between us we have 2 daughters, 2 sons, 2 daughters-in-law, 2 sons-in-law, and 7 grandchildren. We are very blessed to have such a wonderful family.
A couple of years ago I blogged about my wedding dress. It had been cleaned, was "museum preserved" and displayed in a box...in a closet. I didn't know what to do with it - it was a part of a very special day yet really seemed to have no purpose beyond that.
Then came Noah.
Noah Thomas was our 8th grandchild. He was born on November 2, 2014, at 20 weeks, and passed away shortly after his birth. As a parent I can't even begin to imagine what it is like to lose your child. But I can tell you what it is like to see your child grieving over the loss of their child.
It is hard.
It is incredibly hard.
You watch them hold their baby, see their tears... and know they wonder why.
You hold your grandchild, give him kisses, tell him how much you love him.. and you wonder why.
You wonder what might have been.
And yes, you think, "Really God? This is what you had planned for him?"
As a parent there's nothing you can do to fix your child's hurt.
There's no Band-Aid big enough.
You can't kiss the owie and make it go away like you did when they were little and skinned their knee.
There's nothing you can say to make sense of any of it.
You just pray, hug, say "I love you" and "I'm sorry."
Over and over.
And over.
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It was 11 months ago today when that little angel entered our lives. He may have lived only briefly, but he will always be part of our family. I still wonder why he had to leave so soon, but I have to trust God.
Because of Noah, I knew why I had held onto my wedding dress and its purpose.
Today I opened the sealed box, removed all the tissue paper and cardboard that was used to display it so nicely, and laid my wedding dress out on a bed. One of my favorite things about my wedding dress was the beading, especially the flowers: they resemble daisies, my favorite flower.
I took scissors and cut out some of the beaded flowers from the sleeves. Perhaps one day when our granddaughters get married they will want to tuck a beaded flower from our special day into their bouquet as they walk down the aisle. I cut out enough for our granddaughters and future granddaughters.
I cut out a piece for myself. There are some wonderful artists who take a piece of your wedding dress and create pendants - something I would like to have done.
Then I attached my name to the label of the dress, rolled it up sleeping bag style, with the veil inside, and put it in a plastic bag. It is now boxed up and ready to go in the mail to a wonderful organization: Angel Gowns.
They will take my wedding dress and make burial attire for babies like Noah. So many parents who lose a baby struggle to find something small enough for their wee one, or even something appropriate. This organization fills that need and provides the attire free of charge.
Each item of clothing made from my dress will have a note attached to it. Not only will that note let another couple know that their grief is shared, but it is one way I can honor Noah.
The note attached to each article of clothing will simply read:
"In memory of our grandson, Noah - an angel too soon."
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Noah: I don't know if God allows blogs in Heaven, but I'm pretty sure you know what goes on here with all of us. Please keep Great-Grandpa F. in line. Don't fall for his "quarter trick." I'm sure you discovered Great-Grandma has a great giggle and comfy lap. Please take care of them for us and give them lots of hugs and kisses. We'll see you in the blink of an eye!
- Love Grandma M.
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