Grace

Now that I'm 50 (that is still hard to type!) I think back to when I was 20.  Do I miss some parts of life from that era?  Darn tootin!  Like energy,  body parts being where they used to, and my memory,.... DEFINITELY the memory! 

But I've learned that one thing that truly does come with age, along with memory loss, sagging, and finding yourself talking about your health to every stranger you meet.... is wisdom.  Not in the sense that I'm ready to take my ACT's all over again (egad - just the thought of that brings on a hot flash!)  -  but more so in learning from my mistakes. 

When the kids were little I tried to be good about taking them to church... well, because we SHOULD.  Going to church was as automatic for me as brushing my teeth in the morning.  I wasn't there every Sunday but I tried to get there as often as I could.  While I believed in God I really was just going through the motions in many aspects.  I was sitting in the pew, but I wasn't soaking in the messages like I should have. 

If you have young kids, you know what I'm talking about.  You sit there and your mind wanders: you wonder if you turned the oven on and if dinner will be ready when you get home, the kids are picking at each other and you are trying to get them to stop without everyone nearby seeing, then you spot a hairdo or outfit that catches your eye.... come on admit it, we've all done it.  So many things to distract me and take me away from my whole purpose for being there - to regroup and refocus. 

In the last 5 years I've found what true faith really is, at least for me.  I'm sure a lot of it has to do with losing my parents.  While I've always believed in Heaven, you get a different perspective when you lose your parents.  Your hope for what does come after life on earth is something you find yourself thinking and hoping about a lot more.   I'm sure part of it is just plain life experiences (a nice way to put getting older).  I think age definitely changes your perspective on things.  There are a lot of younger people who are at a great place with their faith already and I admire that.  I guess some of us are just slow learners :)

For me this is what faith means: 

 It's not being perfect.  None of us is perfect.  Rather it is about being imperfect, accepting it and wanting to do better. 

It's about praying, whether silently or out loud, and realizing it's okay to say "um", and hesitating when you don't know what to say.  God isn't in a hurry, He isn't going anywhere, take all the time you need.  You can't have a relationship with someone if you don't talk with them.

It's accepting people as they are.  It's not my job to be judge and jury for anyone just as I don't want to be judged by others.  Life is too short for negativity.

 It's realizing that we are all dealing with issues, some larger, some smaller, and knowing that compassion is a much better feeling than jealousy, anger, (pick any negative feeling). 

It's realizing that God allows things to happen in His time.  I struggle with this one as patience is not one of my best attributes.  But God is working on that. Luckily He DOES have patience! I just have to remind myself that no matter what I am going through, God is in charge and knows the outcome long before I do.  It is a relief to know that I don't have to handle all life's issues by myself. 

 It's realizing that no matter what you do, God is not going to stop loving you.  While our parents have unconditional love for us, God's is the ULTIMATE!

Many times I feel I don't deserve God's grace.   One of my favorite songs is "Who Am I?"  by Casting Crowns.  Here are the lyrics: 

WHO AM I?

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

So  bring on the middle age issues, because with it has come something much more important:

Realizing no matter how insignificant I am in some aspects, 



I am significant to God

and that is what truly matters.